MILLENNIAL WOMAN SHARES EYE-OPENING REALIZATION ABOUT THE COST OF AMBITION

Newsweek Exclusive Feature

In a viral post, Nadia Meli, 39, exposed the dark side of hustle culture by questioning whether ambition was overrated.

When Nadia Meli walked away from the life she had spent years building, she found herself grappling with an unexpected consequence to her attempts at healing: Her ambition began to fade.

Meli—a portrait photographer who was born in Italy, raised in Germany and lives in England—shared her evolving perspective on ambition in a Substack post titled "The More I Heal, The Less Ambitious I Become," which has resonated widely since it was published on November 26, 2023.

As Meli, 39, put it, the deeper her healing, "the deeper my courage to do what others won't"—and by that, she means, abandoning the pressure to be ambitious.

Her reflections have struck a chord, particularly among millennial women who feel burned out by the demands of a culture that equates self-worth with achievement and glorifies the daily grind.

The post, which unexpectedly went viral in January for reasons that Meli does not know, questions ambition's place in modern life, portraying it as a relentless force driven by capitalism and social conditioning rather than genuine fulfillment.

"Ambition is inherently selfish," Meli wrote, adding, "Ambition requires you to sacrifice the things that matter most in life—people, love, peace—to achieve something that matters in the eyes of capitalism."

'I Had No Desire to Achieve Things'

Meli told Newsweek that the past six years of her life had been "deeply transformative."

She walked away from a 10-year marriage, left the faith community she was raised in by Sicilian parents and gave up an international wedding photography career that had her traveling most of the year.

"It was crashing all at once," she told Newsweek. "Would I recommend changing your life that way? All at once? Probably not. But that is my story."

"While social media gurus and 'success' stories online sell us the quick 'change your life' message, I realized that changing your life is neither quick nor easy," she continued. "Instead of taking weeks or months, it actually can take years."

When Meli decided to dismantle the life she had built over the previous decade, she did not anticipate the effect it would have on her understanding of ambition. The photographer said she realized through the changes that what she thought was a "loss of drive and ambition" was simply her changing into someone new—someone who did not need nor want to be ambitious anymore.

"Ambition has given me some really great experiences, but everything has a shadow side," Meli said. "Ambition has also taken a lot from me, too, and I make a distinction between passion or courage."

Nadia Meli poses for a headshot. Credit: @NADIAMELI

"To me, those do not equal ambition. I can be passionate about something without seeking an outcome or wanting to achieve a goal, which is what ambition tells me I have to do," she added.

By investing less time and energy into her work, which even resulted in her "struggling to get by," Meli realized that she no longer wanted to return to a time when she was constantly striving.

"I realized I had no desire to achieve things," she said.

Millennials and Ambition Burnout

Meli's words are part of a growing conversation about ambition burnout and the toll of career obsession on one's mental health.

A 2021 survey by Indeed found that 59 percent of millennials reported feeling burned out, the highest of any generation. In 2019, the World Health Organization recognized burnout as an occupational phenomenon, further underscoring the severity of the issue.

For Meli, rejecting ambition was less about giving up on dreams and more about shaking off societal expectations to redefine what fulfillment and joy could look like.

"Do I have dreams left? A few. Do I have ideas I'd like to realize? Most certainly," she wrote. "But I am not going there with ambition. I will go there with audacity instead."

Her shift from ambition to audacity—the courage to pursue dreams without the need for relentless striving—presents a counternarrative to the pervasive hustle culture. Meli's critique extends to modern feminism, too, which some of her subscribers commented had been co-opted by capitalist ideals that pressure women to work constantly.

Instead, the photographer now advocates for living and working intentionally, in harmony with one's body and emotions, while rejecting the societal norm that defines success through visibility and achievement.

"Ambition never felt right to me because applied to our system, it has become a never sated beast. Always hungry, always reaching," she wrote, adding, "There are no seasons with ambition, no pause, no rest."

Her words offer a stark critique of a society that largely celebrates scaling up without allowing for scaling down. Meli's perspective has resonated with a wide audience, particularly among women who feel unseen in a culture that rewards constant productivity. Wanting to reach even more people, Meli printed out some of her newsletters and left them in public places around London. The gesture, she said, was a deliberate way to connect directly with like-minded readers.

Meli's questioning of ambition reflects a broader generational disillusionment. Many millennials have come of age in an era of economic precarity, student debt and social media-fueled comparisons. For some of them, Meli's reflections serve as both a validation of their frustrations and a blueprint for a different way forward—one that prioritizes authenticity and well-being over constant striving.

The cultural glorification of ambition has deep roots, often intertwined with the American Dream and meritocratic ideals that suggest success is available those who work hard enough. However, research suggests that these ideals can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and burnout.

A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that millennials (born between 1981 and 1996) and Gen Zers (born between 1997 and 2012) have significantly higher stress levels than older adults, with their experience of stress often linked to feeling pressure to achieve traditional success.

In her post, Meli questioned why ambition, despite its downsides, was seen as a moral good and an important trait to have.

"Ambition is so celebrated and praised that it's seen as a moral failure to not chase it," she wrote.

On social media, many millennials have expressed feeling trapped by the expectation to "do more" and "be more" in every aspect of their lives—whether personal or professional. Meli's alternative—audacity—emphasizes the courage to take risks without the pressure of a specific outcome.

"It takes audacity to be you," she wrote. "I will take that any day over ambition."

An Expert Weighs In

Psychotherapist Janet Philbin said Meli's newfound disregard for ambition made sense when weighing up the emotional journey she had been on.

"The unconscious mind responds to your felt sense of a current life experience with outdated skills from the emotional wounds we developed at a younger age," Philbin told Newsweek. "People tend to follow the road map laid out by caregivers."

"However, deep down they are not truly happy, and there is a sense of feeling unfulfilled because their drive to succeed is not coming from their love of their career but instead from their need to be accepted and valued by society," she continued.

Philbin added that Meli came to that realization about ambition because she had "reclaimed her true self" outside of society's expectations for a person her age.

"She has done the inner work to heal the wounded inner child who was directing her life and now feels more empowered to take charge of her life, in alignment with the truth of who she is, which will lead to her mood improving and her anxiety levels decreasing."

The response to Meli's post has been overwhelmingly positive, with many readers expressing gratitude for her candor in the comments section.

"The overall feedback has been one of gratitude and knowing," Meli said. "It makes me incredibly happy that so many others out there feel heard, feel seen by my words that give a voice to their own experience."

She added that her reflections offer a form of permission for those who feel exhausted by the pursuit of traditional success to pause, rest and reconsider what fulfillment looks like.

After redefining success on her own terms, Meli invites others to do the same. Her message is not about giving up on dreams but about approaching them with a different mindset.

"I will get there considering my impact on others," she wrote. "Audacity lets me rest when I need it, it gives me space to be me in a system that doesn't want me to be."

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