WHEN COUPLES SHOULDN'T SPLIT RENT EQUALLY, ACCORDING TO A FINANCIAL EXPERT
- Melissa Fleur Afshar
- Jan 22
- 6 min read
Newsweek Exclusive Feature
Vivian Tu, the woman behind Your Rich BFF, said that addressing money concerns early can "prevent a lot of heartbreak."
Living together is a significant milestone for couples, but making a shared home and cohabiting a space often brings up tough financial questions.
According to Vivian Tu, financial expert, social media creator, and author of the bestselling book, Rich AF: The Winning Money Mindset that Will Change Your Life the key to navigating these discussions is prioritizing equity over equality.
Florida-based Tu, better known as "Your Rich BFF" to her combined following of more than 5 million users across TikTok, Instagram and LinkedIn, emphasizes the importance of open communication about money early on in relationships.
"I always tell people you should be talking about money on the very first date," Tu, a graduate of the University of Chicago, told Newsweek.
"I am not saying show up and demand to see a pay stub, but ask meaningful questions like, 'If money did not matter, what job would you want?' or 'What's your dream vacation if you had $10,000?'"
These questions, she said, offer valuable insight into a partner's financial priorities and mindset.
Why 50/50 Doesn't Always Work
Splitting rent or mortgage payments evenly might seem like the easiest and fairest solution to a financial squabble, but Tu argued that it can often lead to resentment in relationships with significant income disparities.
"When one partner earns a lot more but insists on going 50/50, the person earning less is often forced to live beyond their means or sacrifice their financial independence," she said. "Over time, that breeds financial resentment."
Tu spoke from personal experience to illustrate her point. Early in her relationship with her now-husband, whom she married in 2024, he earned significantly more than she did.
When they decided to move in together, she said they chose a $5,000-a-month apartment that stretched beyond Tu's budget.
"I told him, 'This is what I can afford,' and he said, 'That's okay, I'll cover more,'" she said.
Her husband paid $3,000 while she contributed a smaller fee of $2,000. That arrangement, Tu said, allowed them to live comfortably without creating financial strain or feelings of inequity in the long term.
"Now that my career has taken off and I earn more than he does, I pay a greater share of our mortgage," Tu said. "It is not about being equal—it is about being equitable and making sure no one feels financially burdened."
Getting 'Financially Naked'
Tu stressed that open conversations about money form the foundation of financial harmony in a relationship.
She coined the term "getting financially naked" to describe the act of sharing financial details—income, savings, debts, and spending habits—with a partner.
"It can feel awkward or uncomfortable, but if you can talk about the weird, gross, or private stuff, why can't you talk about money?" she said.
She attributed the success of her relationship to these early, honest discussions.
"Money is not everything, but everything touches money," she said. "Studies consistently show that money and intimacy are the top two reasons couples argue and separate.
"Addressing one of those early can prevent a lot of heartbreak."
For couples unsure about how to initiate these conversations, Tu recommended framing the discussion around shared goals, such as saving for a vacation, buying a house, or paying off debt.
"Start with what you want to achieve together and work backwards," she advised.
Avoiding Financial Resentment
Financial resentment can be a silent but corrosive force in relationships, according to Tu, and the former Wall Street trader said that splitting bills 50/50 when income disparities are at play is its primary trigger.
She defined financial resentment as the bitterness that arises when one partner feels they are unfairly carrying the financial burden for their shared expenses, or being excluded from decisions due to unequal earnings.
Tu, who worked at J.P. Morgan and Buzzfeed before pursuing her own business, says that this issue often stems from a lack of transparency or mismatched expectations.
"If one person is eating beans and rice to afford rent while the other is splurging on rounds of golf, that imbalance creates frustration," Tu said.
Financial resentment can also manifest in more subtle ways, like one partner hiding purchases or feeling guilty for spending money on personal indulgences, she added.
The solution, she said, lies in adopting a proportional approach to shared expenses. For example, a couple where one partner earns $100,000 annually and the other earns $50,000 might split their rent in a 2:1 ratio.
This ensures both partners contribute in a way that reflects their financial reality.
Tu shared her take on an episode of The Liz Moody Podcast, a clip of which was later reshared to Instagram on September 14, 2024. The short video has been liked more than 104,000 times, sparking diverse discussion among viewers in the comments section.
"Yeah she says this till she is the one making $250,000 and the dude is the one with the $75,000 a year," one viewer said.
Another added: "I'm not going 50 percent, because I am going 0 percent. Mortgages are for men. I did not come into this life to suffer and pay my husband's bills."
"Honey. If we are married it's one pot. And if we can't figure out how to accomplish all of our works together from that one pot. We don't need to be together," a third viewer said.
Another commented: "I love this post so much. I think it is important for couples to have the same financial mindset."
When Does Splitting 50/50 Make Sense?
While proportional sharing works well in most cases, Tu acknowledged that there are scenarios where splitting expenses equally is appropriate.
"If both partners earn similar incomes or have comparable financial circumstances, a 50/50 split can make sense," she said.
Similarly, couples who are high earners and feel comfortable with equal contributions might prefer the simplicity of a straight split.
Ultimately, she emphasized that financial decisions should align with a couple's unique dynamics.
"It is called personal finance for a reason—it is personal, personal to you and your relationship," she said.
A Final Tip for Financial Independence
As a parting piece of advice for couples keen to delegate their shared expenses, Tu highlighted the importance of maintaining some degree of financial autonomy, especially for women.
"I would never, ever put all of our money into one joint pot," she said. "Having your own money gives you options and agency.
"God forbid there's a domestic violence situation or an emergency—you need to be able to leave."
A 'yours, mine, and ours' system, where joint accounts cover shared expenses could be put into use, while individual accounts fund personal needs and discretionary spending.
This approach, Tu believes, can help prevent financial resentment and ensure that both partners retain a sense of independence.
Tu found her footing in finance after becoming the top-earning salesperson at Buzzfeed during her time in brand development and client partnerships at the news company, she said. She decided to quit her full-time job in 2022—by then a senior account executive role at the company—to work on creating more of the TikTok videos she had started going viral for in 2021.
Her unique brand of friendly advice for Gen Z and millennial viewers seeking easily-digestible tips on how to amass greater wealth has gained her more than 3.3 million followers on Instagram.
She decided to start filming online content after helping banks, businesses—and even her parents—make the most of their income.
Her second book, which she is currently working on, will delve deeper into how finances can be better handled within intimate relationships.
"It is going to focus on the intersection of money and interpersonal relationships," she said.
Tu hopes that her next read will equip readers with tools to navigate these complex but essential conversations.
For Tu, the ultimate goal is clear: empowering people to build healthier, happier financial lives together.
"It is not about being rich," she said, despite her tagline as every woman's rich best friend. "It is about feeling secure and in control, and that starts with having tough conversations about money."
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COVER IMAGE CREDIT: BRENDAN WIXTED
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